Taco Heaven

By Michael Hopkins

Miguelito was born to eat tacos. From the first time his mother made him tacos he never ate anything else. His mother tried to get him to eat other types of food. Beans and rice and other wonderful food. But Miguelito wouldn’t eat it. Only tacos, nothing else was good enough.

As he grew, his mother noticed that he ate more and more tacos. Miguelito’s family sat down to dinner and he would eat tacos until there weren’t any tacos left. His mother thought it was strange that he never seemed to get full. He only knew that there were no more tacos and that’s when he would quit eating.

One day his mother decided to try and cook enough tacos to make Miguelito say he was full. She cooked all day and made more pico de gallo than she had ever seen. When he sat down, he was amazed at the huge amount of tacos that were laid before him. He asked his mother if they were all for him and she said they were. He was instantly transported into taco heaven. He always wondered how he could eat so many tacos—he seemed to be able to continue to eat as many tacos as he could get his hands on without getting full. His mother couldn’t believe her eyes as Miguelito sat there contently and ate and ate and ate and ate. She quickly noticed that she was not going to reach her goal and started cooking the rest of the meat and cutting the rest of the ingredients.

After his mother’s resources were exhausted, Miguelito was still willing and ready to eat more tacos. His mother was amazed. She had been serving tacos for 3 hours of constant eating and lost count of the tacos at around 30. After Miguelito had finished his last taco he politely asked his mother if there were any more. When she said no he got up and went out to play.

When he was in his twenties, nothing changed as far as eating habits. He still didn’t know how many tacos he could really eat because there was never enough money nor resources to try it out. As he sat in his favorite taco shop, eating his last taco, he pondered what was in store for him or if this is all he could expect from life. He had been through this before and found that there was never an answer to this question. It sometimes made him depressed to think about it so he shook the thought away, and then focused on a poster that was on the wall. It read:

“Taco eating contest. 10 dollars to enter and winner will take home $200. Come and see if you can out eat the top eaters from the tricounty area. "

It then seemed to him that maybe this is an answer to the question he had just been pondering. He would absolutely enter and maybe find out how many tacos he could eat. He took down the phone number. Later that night he called and pre-registered. He had 2 weeks to prepare. Of course, he didn’t have much to prepare for. He knew he would able to compete without doing anything. So he didn’t do anything. He just went about his daily life without changing one thing.

One thing about his daily life was the relationship with his girlfriend Marta. It wasn’t going very well. It never had really, he just liked the fact that she didn’t leave him because he only ate tacos. He had dated a lot of girls and when they realized that he literally didn’t eat anything but tacos they quickly lost interest. Miguelito couldn’t figure out why it was such a big deal. They usually agreed that tacos were quite tasty and they enjoyed eating them. So why not eat them all the time? Marta didn’t mind that he ate tacos but she also wasn’t the best or brightest fish in the sea. She was mean sometimes and fun sometimes. Most the time she was just a nag. Miguelito hadn’t talked to her for a few days and decided that he would go visit and tell her the news of the taco eating contest. He went over and she was in an especially bad mood. After she scolded him for not having seen her for the last few days, he told her about the contest. “You are obsessed,” she said and added “That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. Why would you want to do an eating contest. I know you like tacos but that’s just stupid.” He decided at that moment that he would never see her again.

He had stayed with her long after he had wanted to leave just because she didn’t mind if he came by. Sometimes she was nice and sweet, but most of the time she was less than desirable. Miguelito thought about the contest and could feel that something amazing was going to happen. He thought that since his life was taking a new turn, it was a good opportunity to leave Marta behind.

Two weeks came and went and he traveled to the festival where the taco eating contest was to be held. After he checked in he perused the activities. He was just burning time. He didn’t feel nervous at all until he went and planted himself in the chair assigned to him with the contest. He hadn’t eaten that day and could smell the carne asada cooking on the nearby charcoal grills. Sitting next to him was the 5 year festival champion who was the biggest man that Miguelito had ever seen. He wore all the medals that he had won over the years in eating contests including the reign he had at this one. The medals were obviously trying to intimidate the competition and they had done their job with Miguelito.

On Miguelito’s other side sat a woman. He looked at her and saw that she was beautiful. He was surprised that someone so pretty would be participating in a taco eating contest. She noticed his puzzled look and decided to break the ice. “Hello, my name is Anna, but my friends call me Anita.” Miguel said hi and asked her if she had ever done one of these contests before. She said that it was her first time and that she only decided to do it because she really loves tacos. “I eat them most every day,” she mentioned. It seemed funny to Miguelito that he had become so entranced with a girl in such a short period of time. He really couldn’t put his finger on what is was about her that he liked.

The announcer started and people began to gather around. Miguelito saw his mom in the crowd and waved. They brought out the tacos on a big tray. Miguel tried to estimate how many were before him but there were too many to get an accurate guess. The buzzer sounded and they began to eat. Once again Miguelito found himself in taco heaven. All of the participants began stuffing themselves. The big guy was laughing and popping tacos in his mouth as if there was nothing to it. After about 20 minutes, people began to drop out. They either ran off to puke or declared that they couldn’t eat anymore and that even if they could they weren’t going to beat the leaders. By this time the big guy had began to get worried. Anita and Miguel were just a few tacos behind and were still enjoying each other’s company. To him they didn’t seem phased at all and that bothered him. He wasn’t used to this type of competition.

After 40 minutes the big guy started to sway. Every bite caused his face to turn a darker shade of red. Miguelito was in heaven—he had never been able to eat as many tacos as he had eaten tonight and despite the slight full feeling he had in his stomach, which he had never felt before, he enjoyed the taste so much that he wasn’t even close to quitting. Anita had long since slowed down and was now only nibbling here and there on the pico. She found Miguelito intriguing and didn’t want to leave him just yet. They had been casually chatting during the contest, which drove the big man crazy. “Did they not care if they won or not? Why is this so trivial to them?” he asked himself.

Finally the judges ended Anita’s turn and made her go down into the crowd. It was Miguelito and the big man. By this time the big man clearly didn’t want to eat anymore. Every bite produced a dry heave but somehow he could keep everything down. The big man was ahead but had since slowed and Miguelito was gaining. They had to take a short break because they ran out of tacos. They had cooked over 500 tacos for the contest but that just wasn’t enough. Since it was such a close race, and since people were starting to get anxious to see a winner, the judges decided that they wanted to make things even more interesting. They declared that the next batch of tacos would be made with a grilled jalapeno in it.

The crowd gasped and the big man slumped in his chair. He was already on the verge of puking and jalapeños were not going to help. Miguelito just sat and smirked. Jalapeños were his favorite. They just added what he considered the only improvement to these already delicious tacos.

They brought them out and the crowd waited to see who was going to make the first move. Miguelito grabbed a couple and put them down quickly. He had started his third when the big man took his first and took half the bite. The big man could taste the hotness of the jalapeño but it wasn’t that bad. Of course the first one is never that bad. He took courage and downed the first one and began the second. Then the heat got worse, then unbearable. His stomach crunched and moaned. The crowed heard it. All of the sudden he belched and puked a constant stream of half digested tacos out into the crowd. The poor little boys that were watching from the very front of the stage got covered in goo.

Miguelito mused as he finished the tacos on his platter and wondered if they would still give him more. The judges disqualified the big man for puking as they had done some of the others and declared Miguelito the winner.

After the rush of people and the local paper snapping some pictures of Miguelito eating one last taco, he saw Anita waiting for him. She approached him slowly and said congratulations.

“What are you up to now?” she asked. “No plans for the rest of the night,” Miguelito responded. “You want to go get some tacos?”