Once upon a time there was a boy who found out in his early teens that he was different from other kids. He had a sixth sense that told him some interesting information about everyone. This is how he describes it in his own words.
You can tell a lot about a person by their password. I should know because I have a bit of an odd power. Power... that sounds strange. I, through some magical gift, know everyone's password. It isn't really a power really. I don't know their user names and I definitely don't know what the password belongs to. I often wonder what wonderfully marvelous things they access by their passwords, some random Internet site, their e-mail, or their work computer log in. Yeah, I definitely wouldn't say it is a power. More of a nuisance really.
Why would it be a nuisance you ask? Here is an example of the when it is a pain. I was visiting a friend in Chicago one summer when I was unemployed. I had a lot of time on my hands so I thought I would visit him while I didn't have much else to do except for job hunting. It is fine to go on vacation while you are job hunting but you don't want to be away from a phone or computer for too long lest someone calls or emails for an interview. I had my cell phone and my friend promised we would go to the college so I could check my e-mail. The next day, we went to the college and made our way to the to the bank of computers in the library. I winked at the gorgeous blond librarian behind the science reference desk and sat down at a computer. Of course, you had to log in with your student ID to use the computers. I asked my friend to log in. Like usual the password passes through the inner workings of my brain. I see in my minds eye killbill1234. Figures, Kill Bill is his favorite movie. I can see him, back when we were roomies, standing on the bed yelling “You might not be able to fight like a samurai, but you can at least die like a samurai!!!” and hurling himself at me with his hands clasp as if he held a Samurai sword.
He types his user name and password. Access denied. He tries again. Access denied. I feel my eyes roll as I wonder what I should do. It is so creepy is it to tell someone their password? I have been through this before and rarely if ever try to hint it. If I hint it to him or just tell, it is way unnerving for people. How could I possibly know what they have kept secret for all of these many years. On the other hand, if I don't tell then I can't check the e-mail and then I won't know if any of the applications I submitted were responded to.
He keeps trying and I get desperate. I had this overwhelming urge to check because I swear I have gotten a response. I decided to play it off like a guess by saying “It is probably has something to do with Kill Bill.” He looked at me like I was some kind of psychic. The same look you would give someone if they blurted out your social security number or something.
He tries again but it still didn't work. “Crap”, I thought. I told him most of it. So I started singing. “1, 2, 3, and to the 4, Snoop Doggie Dog and Dr Dre are at the door...” I see the lights go on. He tries again and gets in. The damage was done though. He knew I knew his password. He gets up slowly and eyes me suspiciously. I check my mail and of course there were no responses. (I wish I had that power instead. To magically know when you have e-mail. That would be awesome.)
The rest of the trip was slightly strained. My friend didn't bring it up but I could tell the trust wasn't there anymore. Soon after the trip I didn't hear much from him. I regret saying anything that day. Power... nope, it is just a nuisance.
But really, you can tell a lot about a person by their passwords. Some people have nice passwords like Ilovemywife. Some people have gibberish. A lot of people use their own names -- amalie486 or hopkins1. Some use their birth dates so you can know their ages. I have gotten really good at subtracting the year and getting the age. You never know though because sometimes it is their kids birthday instead of theirs.
You would think that knowing this information would be useful to me but it really isn't. I thought it was too but I learned my lesson one time at a party. I was introduced to a really cute girl. Because I was struck with awe at her beauty, I instantly forgot her name. Of course, I gained her password. It was Linda. So easy, I thought. This is perfect. So after some nice conversation, I say, “So Linda, when do you want to go out the club with me?” She looked at me for a long time. Just stared at me. It was really awkward. Finally, trying to make it sound like a joke, I said “Is that a no?” She said, “Why did you call me Linda? ... That was my cats name.” Then she began to cry. She moaned, “It just got ran over last week.” and then she left the party. That was the last time I tried that.
So as nice as it seems like it would be. It really isn't. It is just something I live with and when I am thoroughly bored it is kind of nice to analyze the passwords. Other than that, not useful at all. It's okay, It isn't that hard to live with after all, and at least it is a bit entertaining. Maybe someday, I will find it useful.
Now, if I could only remember the password to my new Gmail address.
Year after year he lived his life with what some might find useful, (Hackers, thieves, etc) he just dealt with having this knowledge and not ever using it. Finally, after a long, uneventful, normal life, he passed away. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter asked him for the password to get into heaven.
He didn't think his power was useless then.
1 comment:
Sweet premise dude. Plus I liked the part about the hot librarian.
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