Three months after gravity changed direction

by steven hopkins

Dear Rachel and Eric,

I don’t know about you guys, but windows are still the scariest parts of the house. The nearest thing to stop a fall from our front window is the neighbor across the street’s house 200 yards down. I admit it was hard to adjust to at first. I screwed pieces of 2x4 into the wall to make a ladder up into our bedroom. But the fifth one up is kind of loose and wiggles a little. It scares Jenny so she just sleeps on the living room wall.
We all just wear our harnesses all the time now. I’m starting to get a little raw on the back of my right thigh. Too much information I know. Anyway, Jenny was upset last Sunday because she couldn’t wear her dress to church.
“It’s either the dress or the harness,” my wife Susan told her. “Unless you think you can hold onto the rope by yourself until we lower you across the street.”
Jenny considered it for a second but looked down out of the front windows and decided to just go in pants, but she still pouted all during Sunday school.
Getting to and from work is still just as bad. The lines at the pulleys seem to get longer everyday, and it seems like I always get stuck behind someone who smokes. I heard they’ve almost got the hydraulic lifts finished. I’m excited for that, it’ll cut down a half hour of so off the commute.
We finally got all our furniture rearranged to fit. We had to put the two recliners so close to the coffee table that we can’t put out the leg rests anymore. Susan gets mad at us for putting our feet on the coffee table, but I still do when she’s not in the room. Susan also bought a bunch of velcro and glued it on the back of all the pictures so we can just stick them to the carpet, you might want to try it.
Last night I think I heard the foundation of the house coming out of the ground a little bit. Kind of like a big sucking sound. I don’t know how long we should trust it to hold. I’ve heard horror stories at work of people’s houses just falling right out of the ground, foundation and all, and slamming into their neighbors house and then then that house dislodges like gigantic dominoes or something. I’m just glad we’re the corner house.
Well, hope everything’s OK with you guys. I’m glad they got the mail system figured out. Write back soon.

Sincerely,

Jim and Susan and Jenny